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WHITE TILE ON CANVAS

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WHITE TILE ON CANVAS (Curtain opens, a young Ben Shapiro, seemingly moping, with bad posture has his hands in his pockets.  He is lightly kicking at the snow) (Enter Dad Cheerily) Hey son, young Ben Shapiro! Whatcha doin’ champ? YBS Just playin’ in the snow, Pa. You know me, young Ben Shapiro, if I’m not practicing my violin I’m playin’. Dad Well, sure don’t look very playful to me son…young Ben Shapiro YBS Dad, thing is, I love playing the violin. Playing the theme from Schindler’s list on the violin over and over is exactly what a young boy, a young Ben Shapiro, needs. But…But… Dad (Understanding) Oh, I see. I think I know what this is about. I think I understand. YBS You do, Pa? Dad This is about the little dicks, isn’t it, my son, the young Ben Shapiro? YBS (Looks up relieved) Yeah, Dad. It is. It is about the little dicks. Dad Well, it’s no secret. Us Shapiros love drawing little dicks. YBS (Excited...
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The Curious Fate of Lindsey Graham's Boy Scout Troop

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The Curious Fate of Lindsey Graham’s Boy Scout troop Lindsey Graham (R.) was born in the summer of 1955. He joined the Boy Scouts in 1962. This is the story of the 10 deaths in Troop 966 over the next ten years. Every one was an accident. Every one easily explained. Or are they? Sure, Kyle Bottoms drowned in his swimming pool. Children sometimes die in swimming pools. They usually drown. But why were his lungs full of Kool-Aid? And why Cherry? During Lindsey Graham’s first year as a Boy Scout there were three mysterious deaths attributed to “freak accident”. October of 1962, a ferris wheel malfunctions and Tim Kohler is crushed when sword swallower Jim Hicks falls to his death. Freak accident. It is worth noting, this would be the same ferris wheel that assisted in the death of Balaban True when his conjoined twin, Mark, leapt to his death. Mark but not Balaban had been fired from the carnival sideshow. He could not bear the thought of his brother having to do ...
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QUICKPOOZ LLC Future Efficiency Toilets for Today!!

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This year, the sloping toilet received a bit of press and social media attention. It is meant to "discourage loitering" and looks something like this. Never wanting to miss out on an opportunity to make a buck, I created QUICKPOOZ LLC. What follows are our own toilets designed to "discourage loitering". The Spike Toilet was our first idea and it inspired many great ideas. It challenged what we at QUICKPOOZ LLC thought of as "discomfort" and "pressure". The Electric Toilet's groundbreaking engineering pushed our creative team and soon we added this Nikolai Tesla inspired favorite to the production schedule. And then, a breakthrough. The elements! What else had we been missing?  What is faster than a fear shit? Artists, engineers and marketing, working in concert to bring about a new era of high productivity and high risk BMs. CEOs and regional managers love us. Loyal employees fear genital mutilation while p...
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