Offensive Assholes and their brethren

I hold my farts until I can get to a bathroom. It’s just something I’ve always done. I’ve never found it funny to force acquaintances to listen to, smell or actually feel the velocity+thermodynamics of my bodily gasses. And I don’t understand how having gas can be a source of pride. “Hey, buddy! Can you hear me almost shitting my pants? I'm a filthy animal.” Comedy gold. 
I’m not saying farts can’t be funny. Of course they can. In two dimensions they can be funny. That third dimension, where you are in the room with me…
So, the next time you are hanging out with your bros (refer to handbook for value in relation to hos), and you feel a little bubbly in-your-testines, just remember, some people carry knives. Play it speedy and slack with your B-hole and you might get cut, Booger Presley. 
If yer dog growls at somebody, apologize! If it bites (they smell it), well, that’s an unprovoked gas attack. Biological warfare. And that shit gets answered, son.

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